Funhouse
by im-incognito
Summary: Oneshot. Sam and Dean have a day off, and there's a Supernatural convention in town. Cas beams down in an attempt to gain yet more understanding of the complexities of humans.


Sam was dozing in the passenger seat when Dean pulled into a space in the motel car park. Bobby had told them to get some rest, take a day or two off. And Dean was loathe to do it but even he couldn't deny that if the pair of them kept running on fumes then they'd probably come to a stuttering halt, and knowing their luck, it'd be at one of the most unfortunate times.

Dean checked in, shook Sam awake and pointed towards an open door in the centre of the row. He locked up Baby and followed his drooping brother towards their room. Neither Sam nor Dean noticed the Banner that was displayed outside the old theatre across the street.

_Supernatural Convention: Tomorrow_

Sam stepped out into the morning sun with the hopes that increasing the distance and number of walls between him and Dean would drown out the sound of his brother's singing in the shower. He sat on the hood of the impala and raised his coffee to his lips. The drive from Florida to Bobby's would take them another half a day, and while stopping for the night wasn't Dean's thing, Sam was grateful. He was draining the last of his drink when a door a few metres down from him swing inward, startling him. Two men with dark hair stepped out, one looking dishevelled, dressed in a creased black suit, untucked white shirt and dark tie with a tan trench coat draped over his arm, and the other, impeccably dressed in an all black suit in comparison. Sam choked on his last swig at the sight of them. He watched as the one with the trench coat took the hand of his companion and led him towards the small diner attached to the motel's office. His eyes drifted, until he saw the few people stood in the doorway of the theatre and recognised the cardboard cut-out that they surrounded.

Dean was halfway dressed when Sam joined him back in their shared room.  
'What time is Bobby expecting us?' Sam asked.  
Dean pulled his t-shirt over his head, 'Not any time in particular, why?'  
Sam grinned. 'Been a while since we went to see a movie.'  
'Yeah I guess.' Dean said, smiling.  
'Breakfast first.' Sam threw Dean's boots at him, 'Hurry up.'  
Dean scowled at his brother as he laced himself up and shoved his arms through the sleeves of his plaid. He griped about the lack of pancakes at the last diner they went to and made Sam chuckle at his childish behaviour.

At the restaurant, Sam carefully steered Dean away from the couple he had seen earlier and waited until his brother was stuffing his face with sausage, until he further put his plan into effect. 'What do you think Cas is up to today?'  
Dean looked up from his plate, bacon poking out from between his lips. 'Dunno.' Sam flinched at the sight. 'Haven't heard anything on the Halo Patrol for a couple weeks.' He swallowed.  
'Maybe we should give him a call; a movie might do him some good. Maybe then he'd finally be able to understand some of the things you say.'  
Dean narrowed his eyes. 'What are you saying?'  
Sam scoffed at his brother's obliviousness. 'Oh you know,' He lowered his voice and raised his eyebrows. '"Hello. My name's Dean, I like pie and I speak only in pop culture references."'  
'I do not sound like that.' His nose wrinkled. 'But I'll call him.'  
Dean scooped up the remainder of his cooked breakfast onto his fork and shovelled it into his mouth. He chewed, swallowed, and then belched, looking at Sam with a proud look on his face. At Sam's disappointed expression he sobered again and raised both hands slightly with closed eyes.  
'Oh Cas, my feathered friend. You busy? We wondered if you fancied beaming in for a little play date.' Sam chuckled at Dean confirming his comment about the references. Dean cracked an eye open and glanced around. 'Guess he is busy.' He shrugged and focused his attention on the cooling coffee sat in front of him.

'I was, as it happens.' Their topic of discussion commented. Castiel's appearance shocked Sam into a bark of laughter as Dean cursed and began mopping up the spilled liquid on the table.  
'Jesus, Cas. Give us some warning.' The older Winchester wiped some coffee off of his chin with the back of his hand.  
'You asked for me to "beam in", I thought that might have been warning enough.' Cas said, finger quotes and all. 'And I have told you before Dean, I am not Jesus.'  
Dean shook his head, 'Whatever Cas, sit down.' He shuffled up in the booth to give the angel more room, but still ended up with the trademark coat spread across half of his lap.  
Sam frowned. 'How come you're here, if you were busy?'  
'I was busy, but it's something I've put off for millennia, it can wait an extra day.'  
Dean looks up, interested. 'Like what?' The angel gave him a look of barely clouded disapproval. 'Oh I see, top secret.'  
Castiel nodded. 'Why did you call me here?'  
Dean perked up again. 'We're going to see a movie.'

The two men and the angel were stood outside the theatre just as a herd of young girls dressed as Anna's and Jo's and Ellen's and Pam's pushed through the door.  
'Sammy,' Deans eyes were wide. 'What have you done?'  
Sam hushed his brother. 'It'll be fun. Just like last time except no real ghosts.'  
'Last time wasn't fun.' Dean said through gritted teeth. Sam shrugged and pulled Cas forward by the sleeve. The angel turned back with a wary look on his face and Dean followed, curious and slightly apprehensive of how Cas would react to seeing their doppelgangers left right and centre.

Dean was so glad he joined his brother, and best friend. The foyer of the movie theatre was filled with people dressed as they're friends and family, the monsters they'd faced, demons, angels, Dean even saw a woman stood to one side dressed in in a shiny black cat suit with the initials "DW" and "SW" carved out of it, and shining silver accessories that he recognised as a human Baby. 'Oh, that's hot.' He commented as he strode past and she sent a wink in his direction. Cas' reaction was downright beautiful in Dean's opinion. He was wide eyed as he took in everyone's costumes, and then the moment anyone entered within a 5 metre radius of him he glared and stepped in front of Sam, while the taller man chuckled, until the intruders went away again.  
'Dean,' he called once he caught sight of him walking in their direction. Several men and one or two women dressed in jeans and dark leather jackets turned. 'Dean, I do not like it here. This is worse than that _House of Iniquity_ you took me to.'  
The real Dean chuckled and wrapped an arm around Cas' shoulders. 'Listen up, Hot Wings. They're just in costume. Calm down. Don't smite anyone.' He dissolved into snickers at the sight of a large man in a plaid shirt and moose headband.  
'Why are they dressed as you? I was under the impression that it was of the utmost importance that the general population remained unaware of your actions.'  
Sam chose that moment to put in his two cents. 'They think its fiction. The books Chuck wrote.' Cas squinted and cocked his head. 'Books have readers, Cas. Fans.'  
'I see,' he said. 'Is that one supposed to me Jimmy?' he nodded in the direction of the Cas and Crowley.  
Dean grinned. 'It's you. You and-'  
'Crowley.' Castiel growled, starting forward.  
The brothers pulled him back by his shoulders. 'Down, Bessie.' Dean chuckled. Cas turned and looked up at him, unimpressed.  
'I do have better things to do, you know.' His nose wrinkled in frustration.  
Sam smirked. 'Better things that have been put off for millennia?'  
The angel's head twisted upwards further to meet Sam's eye. 'Do not test me, boy.'

A fourth voice interrupted them. 'Wow, that was intense, did you rehearse that or was it improv?' Dean's eyes bugged out of his head when he turned to see who was talking to them. It was a young woman, with hair a similar shade to his, stood between a dark haired girl of the same age in a beige lady's Mac, and a tall girl in a plaid shirt. 'You three really do have an eye for details. But I think you're not taking it seriously enough. Sure, SPN's comedic, but the best parts are when Sam and Dean have a real heart to heart or Dean's struggles internally with his lusting for Cas.'  
Dean spluttered while Sam had to clap a hand over his mouth.  
The tall woman in the plaid stepped forward. 'What she means to say is that if you're gonna cosplay, especially with dialogue like that, then corpsing is really going to ruin the effect.'

Cas stared at his female counterpart. 'I do not understand. My vessel is male.'  
'Genderbend AU.' She replied. 'Normally involves Gabriel sticking his nose in when it's not necessary. Almost always involves "Femstiel".'  
The three men looked blankly at her. 'Female Destiel?' Sam shook his head. 'Destiel, Dean and Cas' shipper name? Like Wincest-' the brothers shivered, '-but Dean and Cas. Personally I ship Samstiel, but it's not for everyone.'  
'Samst-' Dean started, feeling as confused as Cas must on a regular basis.  
'Sam and Cas. How could you not understand? You are the worst cosplayers ever.' Female Dean barked. 'Well, you're not. Those are the best outfits I've seen in a while. Can we get pictures?'

Sam nodded and Female Sam handed a camera to a nearby Jefferson Starship and stood with the real deal.  
'Get closer.' The Starship called and Lady Cas sidled up to Deans side while the real Cas ended up with an armful of Female Dean and a look of barely concealed terror on his face.

After several photos the women wandered away to some Supernatural fan event in one of the screens with a 'Bye boys,' hollered over their shoulders.  
'See,' Sam says. 'I told you it would be better than last time.'  
'Well last time I had to be Bobby. Anything's better than that.'  
'At least you actually know Bobby. How many times had we worked with Rufus by that point. Playing him was hard.'  
'Sammy, you can't be serious. We didn't "play" anyone. We ganked the ghost. Got Chuck to stop publishing his books and we ditched.'  
Sam huffed. 'I can't believe people think you and Cas should be a couple.'  
'Well, I do have a "more profound bond" with him than you do.'  
Sam looked at Cas contemplatively. 'Maybe-'  
'Look Sam,' Dean rested a hand on his brother's shoulder. 'I know three things for sure. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you putting bananas and peanut butter on toast is _the_ worst thing you have _ever_ done. And three: Neither "Samstiel" nor "Destiel" is a thing. So don't think about it.'  
Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother and opened his mouth to comment on Dean's internal struggle with his lusting over Castiel when he was interrupted.

'The young lady dressed as you, Dean, gave me a piece of paper with numbers on it.' Cas squinted at the number in his hand. 'I do not understand why.' The Winchesters looked at each other and snorted simultaneously. The angel looked between the two laughing hunters, confused. 'This is not funny. I do not know why she has given me this.'  
Still laughing, Dean grabbed Castiel's sleeve and began guiding him to one of the stalls, with Sam a step behind.  
'I still don't understand your hatred for bananas and peanut butter.' Sam said.  
'It's wrong.' Was Dean's reply.  
'Whatever man,' he answered. 'You're just peanut bitter.' Dean stopped.  
Castiel spoke. 'That was a terrible joke, Sam.'  
'Yeah, Bitch.' Dean teased.  
In front, the man he had seen earlier in the moose antlers turned towards him. 'Jerk.'


End file.
